i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There are leaves in my underwear?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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