shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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