I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
