Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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