Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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