Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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