Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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