ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
