One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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