my mouth tastes like poor choices
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
