seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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