Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
