How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
