Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
