how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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