her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
