Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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