She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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