I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize