the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
