Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize