He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
