if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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