apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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