Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
