apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
