It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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