I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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