census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
