hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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