arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
