I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
