i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
