I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You took a bar mat shot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize