he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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