Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
