even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
