FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
