so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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