just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This baby is an asshole
Rumble strips road head = magical
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
