You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
