There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
