I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
