It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
