i already hear my dad disowning me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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