My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
