hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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