I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no you cant smoke seaweed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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