So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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