batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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