awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my being single is dangerous.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
