I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
