the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
