I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
