Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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