I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
