fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
