Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
