last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
