franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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