Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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