I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
