We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
