what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
