Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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