non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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