Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
