people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
