Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
